![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.thescoopnews.com\/section2\/columns\/images\/cellphone_1.jpg\")
<\/p>\nThe rumors are true. They are. It takes a lot to admit this considering everything I (J. Allen) have said over the past 10 years, but it\u2019s not exactly what you think. It\u2019s just not.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As of a couple months ago, I, J. Allen Bell, have a cell phone. An iPhone to be exact.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I know, I know. It\u2019s crazy! I\u2019ve spent the last 10 years talking an endless amount of shit with regard to cell phones and people\u2019s reliance on them. My favorite response when someone asked me \u201cYou don\u2019t have a cell phone?\u201d was to reply \u201cyou know, there was a time, almost 10 years ago, when cell phones didn\u2019t exist and we all got by ok.\u201d Kind of a dick thing to say, I also will admit that, but whatever\u2026 I\u2019m kind of a dick. I didn\u2019t (and in many ways still don\u2019t) understand peoples complete and utter reliance on a cell phone. I\u2019m sure we all know people, that if they lost their cell phones would be completely unable to live. They\u2019d sit in their houses drawing circles on the wall with their own feces while chanting lines from The Shinning \u2013 unless of course we are talking about the millennials, if that\u2019s the case then they\u2019d probably be quoting lines from \u201cTwilight\u201d or some shit.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to digress here for a second because there is something I feel I need to address. What the fuck is up with these pussy millennials and their pussy vampires? Vampires are supposed to be bad-ass blood suckers who only want to eat and bang humans. This \u201cTwilight\u201d garbage with vampires that are weak-ass, bitchy, overly emotional, non-sex having, \u201csparkling\u201d instead of dying loser kids is a slap to the face of Brahm Stroker. If he were alive today he\u2019d be stabbin\u2019 the assholes responsible for all this in their lame-ass hearts.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But, as I said, that\u2019s a digression and I\u2019m not here to complain about \u201cTwilight.\u201d So back to the matter at hand\u2026<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Cell phones, to me, represent a direction in our culture that I\u2019m not exactly comfortable with \u2013 being connected at all times. The Matrix is coming and we are all taking the blue pill. Is it the blue pill? I can\u2019t remember. Which ever pill it was that you take to stay in the Matrix\u2026 that\u2019s the pill we are all taking. Almost all of us are totally plugged into the machine and I\u2019m resisting as much as possible. Yes I am aware of the irony of that last statement considering the amount of information I put out on the interwebs about myself through the various websites I run but at least that stuff is mostly made up and often complete lies\u2026 mostly\u2026 kinda\u2026 some of it. Probably.
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.thescoopnews.com\/section2\/columns\/images\/cellphone_2.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
But see, here\u2019s the deal. While I technically own a cell phone, I don\u2019t consider it a phone. What this represents to me is access to the interwebs anywhere and everywhere I happen to be \u2013 except anywhere between Flagstaff and Phoenix apparently. That\u2019s what I wanted and that\u2019s what I set out to get a couple months ago. The fact that it doubles as a phone is neither here nor there. I have the internet with me always and that is kinda awesome. I have the answer to everything within arms reach now! I\u2019ll never lose a bet again. All thanks to having my little iPhone portable internet device with me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When I went in to the AT & T store to get my portable internet device the sales guy tried to tell me that I should probably get one of the more expensive voice plans (because he is a sales guy) but I told him that the cheapest, smallest amount of minutes available was what I needed. When I told him that I\u2019m not looking for a phone, I\u2019m looking for the internet he looked a little confused. He told me that surely only 450 minutes of call time a month (the plan I picked) was not enough for a person living in 2010. He overestimated my phone usage. I assured him that over those 450 minutes a month, I was likely to roll over 449 minutes a month. He laughed until he realized I was serious. I let him know I was serious by showing him my serious face. As of right now I have used a total of 43 minutes since I bought my portable internet device and 23 of those minutes were for a conference call.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So I despite the fact that technically I now have a cell phone, I still don\u2019t want a cell phone. Cell phones kinda suck but the internet is awesome. I sent an email from the middle of the everglades the other day. That is kinda awesome.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
One last comment about \u201cthe machine.\u201d Facebook is still the devil and I have zero interest in ever getting involved there. So while I have a cell phone, I\u2019m not connecting to the machine fully just yet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The rumors are true. They are. It takes a lot to admit this considering everything I (J. Allen) have said over the past 10 years, but it\u2019s not exactly what you think. It\u2019s just not.<\/p>\n
As of a couple months ago, I, J. Allen Bell, have a cell phone. An iPhone to be exact.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-column"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=19"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19\/revisions\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=19"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=19"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brothersbell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=19"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}